“If I decided not to talk to God, I don’t know if I would be here today.”

 

Prayer is our most powerful weapon against the spiritual battle raging around us. Every thought of every day has the power to bring us down. But, when we pray, God hears us. And when we really talk to him, if we admit our fears, scream in anger, or sob from deep despair, God listens. It is in those moments that we hear his response and remember that he is standing next to us and fighting for us, giving us the courage to stand up and take the next step. 

 

This is Stephanie’s story. It is a story of life trying to knock you out. It is a story of refusing to stay down knowing the power of God’s strength when you feel weak and exhausted from the effort.

 

Stephanie grew up attending a Lutheran church and had dreams of becoming a pastor. Even from a young age, she felt God’s presence in her life. She regularly talked to God, even when facing unimaginable heartbreak. 

 

As she grew up, Stephanie faced challenges that impacted her ability to trust others and ask for help. During elementary school, she was severely bullied and even betrayed by girls she thought were her friends. The lesson she learned was, “If I want something, I have to do it myself.” At that time, Stephanie was too young to fully understand that God provides what we can’t do for ourselves.

 

Later, during college, that belief led to a mental health crisis. Stephanie became extremely overwhelmed with the responsibilities of student teaching. She was gripped by panic attacks and burnout. “I had to take a medical leave from school. I was diagnosed with ADHD and depression,” she said. Stephanie was starting to learn that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. 

 

Through the support of friends, her church community, and talking to God, Stephanie completed her education and became a teacher. But, after a few years, her contract was not renewed. Abruptly, her dream came to an end and she was, once again, facing mental health issues. Fortunately, she remembered her first experience. Stephanie did not want to struggle through that again, so she asked for help. “When you are meeting weekly with a small group, you can’t hide much,” she said. Stephanie was mad and frustrated, but she talked to her church community friends. And to God.

 

What came next was going to be Stephanie’s biggest challenge. She was about to learn the true meaning of asking for help. From friends, family, and, especially, God.

 

After deciding to start a family, Stephanie and her husband dealt with infertility. She eventually got treatment. It worked! On the second round, Stephanie was pregnant. During her pregnancy, everything was normal and on October 6, 2004, her son was born. 

 

Ecstatically, Stephanie brought her newborn baby home and began to settle into life as a mom. After just a few days, she took Eli back to the hospital because he had jaundice. The doctor swiftly resolved the issue, and they were soon back at home. 

 

Later that very night, Stephanie was feeding Eli and, suddenly, he stopped breathing. As they followed the ambulance to the hospital, Stephanie prayed the entire way. But, this time, the doctor told Stephanie and her husband, “I’m sorry. There is nothing I can do.” It was October 13, 2004.

 

Stephanie was heartbroken. The child she so desperately wanted and had to fight her own body for, was torn from her arms after only eight days. But God was with her. And, this time, Stephanie recognized - and accepted - the help he sent through others. She also continued to talk to God. Her conversations with him have been a critical part of her healing journey. She said, “If I had decided not to talk to God, I don’t know if I would be here today.”

 

Her advice to women dealing with infertility or the loss of a child is quite simple. “Don’t let go of God. Invite him into the process. You can be angry and ask ‘why?’, but keep talking. It was the only way I knew there was hope,” she said.

 

Stephanie is now the proud mother of a teenager who became part of their family through adoption. She is still active in her church and has made many friends. And, most importantly, Stephanie still talks to God.