Walking along the quiet, abandoned beach, I laid out my towel and settled in to watch the glorious sunset. Just as the golden yellow started to turn orange, I noticed I was no longer alone. Rather than being irritated at the disruption, I felt a sense of calm wash over every part of me - mind and body.
I gaped in awe as I recognized Jesus sitting down next to me. He looked at me and smiled. I closed my mouth and said, “Hi.”
“You have questions, don’t you?”
“So, so many,” I whispered.
“Go ahead.”
“Why?” I asked.
Jesus chuckled and said, “The answer to that question is endless and you are not ready yet. Shall we narrow it down?”
Though embarrassed, I admitted, “I don’t know where to start.”
“Let’s start at the beginning. With you.”
I nodded in agreement, took a deep breath, and dove right in.
“Why am I so introverted?”
“Many people talk easily. But, they often say the first thing that comes to mind. You watch and observe first so that when you do speak, your words make an impact.”
“Then why do I overthink and imagine extreme scenarios that are unlikely to ever happen?”
“Yes, that is an issue sometimes. But, instead of overthinking, let’s call it preparation. Knowing potential situations and options to handle them is not a bad thing. You simply need to slow down and remember that whatever happens, I am with you.”
“I’ll need to think about that,” I joked as we laughed together.
I looked back at the sunset to see rays of orange begin to transform into a lovely red. Turning back to the artist of this exquisite painting, I tried to stop the tears freely flowing. In a barely audible voice, I asked, “Why am I ugly?”
Jesus gently put a hand on my cheek and the tears stopped. “Child,” he whispered back, “You are lovely. You are my creation and as beautiful as the sky in front of us. Stop measuring yourself with society’s standards. Beauty on the outside is irrelevant and temporary. The only beauty that matters is the beauty I poured inside you. You are living a life focused on me which is the only way to let the inner beauty shine through.”
“OK. Pretty, but dumb, right?” I said, attempting another joke. But, Jesus did not smile this time.
“No one is dumb. There are simply specific gifts I give to you according to my plans. There are things you may not do well. You don’t need to worry about those things. You only need to use your gifts to glorify and honor me.”
Instinctively knowing my conversation with Jesus would end with the sunset, I saw the sky was the deep purple of the final minutes of sunset. Sensing my hesitation, Jesus pulled me closer and in a loving tone said, “Don’t be afraid.”
I took another deep breath and asked, “What about the thing when I was 19? The time that I - .”
“It is forgiven,” Jesus interrupted. “I died so your sins could be forgiven. All of them. Every. Single. One.”
I stared straight into the lovingkindness of his eyes.
”Don’t doubt my promises,” he told me. “You have asked for and received forgiveness. All that remains is to forgive yourself and put it in the past.”
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We looked back at the sky and silently watched the sun finish its descent over the horizon. As we stood up to leave, I hugged him and said, “Thank you.” And then I was alone again, smiling to myself as I headed toward home.