Warning: This is a story about domestic violence. If you or anyone you know needs help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or text 'start' to 88788.
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“Call your parents to come and get you. Because he will kill you.”
People want to feel seen. Fully seen. Fully seen and understood. We yearn for someone to gently remove the masks we use to hide our flaws, fears, and failures and offer unconditional love.
This is Esmeralda’s story, It is a story of being seen and God’s plan for good even through adversity,
Esmeralda was born in a rural Mexican village so small there was no running water or electricity. There were many things that her family and other families didn’t have, but God was a part of daily life. Esmeralda’s parents moved to the United States in search of a better, more financially secure life for their family. Continuing the Catholic way of life, Esmeralda’s grandma or aunt took her to mass every day. Church also provided a respite from feelings of inadequacy. “Although we were very poor and lacking, when you were in church, it wasn’t poor or lacking. There were always flowers, the saints were all beautiful, and everyone always wore their best. It became a place of joy,” Esmeralda recalls.
As Esmeralda grew up, she noticed differences between her and the other girls at church. During traditional Catholic events to honor the Virgin Mary, girls put on beautiful dresses and brought flowers for Mary. “I had a cute dress, but I didn’t feel beautiful. I had a few flowers, but nothing in comparison to what other girls had,” she explained. These small differences were enormous in a little girl’s mind. Esmeralda began to wonder if God was receiving her gifts. Fortunately, although still young, she understood that she was at those events because God wanted her to be there.
Even living in a small Mexican village, she had big dreams. Pushing the limits of her imagination, Esmeralda daydreamed about working as an office secretary. After finally moving to America with her siblings to be with her parents, Esmeralda’s dreams became more ambitious. She was a first-hand eyewitness to the struggles and injustices that immigrants often face. This ignited a desire to help others. Her plan was to get degrees from both an ivy league school and from a university in Mexico to practice international law.
In an effort to realize her dreams, Esmeralda poured her heart into learning and doing all the right things. “I didn’t drink. I didn’t party. I didn’t kiss boys. I cleaned. I cooked. I sewed. I helped my mother,” she said. Along the way, she still saw differences between her and many of the other kids at school. Those kids didn’t have the fear of being deported back to Mexico influencing every aspect of life.
The biggest difference was missed opportunities. Esmeralda’s teachers saw so much potential for her future. They praised and encouraged her. They helped her apply for scholarships. And it worked. Scholarship offers came from the very ivy league schools she dreamed of attending. But, because she wasn’t an American citizen yet, Emeralda couldn’t accept the scholarships. Without a scholarship, her family could not afford any college.
These experiences clouded her view of God. She was filled with resentment and wondered why she couldn’t have the same things and the same opportunities. Esmeralda wanted to know if God saw her or if He heard what mentors and teachers said about all of the possibilities for her to do important things with her life. She worked hard and didn’t understand why God wouldn’t help her.
Even though college wasn’t an option, Esmeralda continued to work hard at her new job. At a law firm. As a secretary. Maybe God was listening.
Eventually, she met a man that her father approved of and she was allowed to date him. He checked off all the stringent requirements her father had for someone who wanted to date his daughter. He also swept Esmeralda off her feet. This man was handsome, loving, and affectionate. He showered her with flowers, gifts, and attention. He attended church with her every Sunday. “I was on cloud nine,” she remembered. Esmeralda finally felt seen by God. Everything was great.
Everything was great. Until it wasn’t. It started slowly, but each day got progressively worse.
First, he wanted to know who she talked to on the phone.
Then, he checked the mileage on her car after work.
He didn’t let her go to lunch with colleagues.
He didn’t let her wear make-up.
He didn’t let her choose her own clothes.
He didn’t let friends visit.
He didn’t let her see her family without him.
He didn’t let her go anywhere without him.
But he did spend all of the money she saved on booze and other women.
He did physically abuse her every time she endured a beating.
He did emotionally abuse her every time he said she was worthless or called her a whore.
He did sexually abuse her every time he raped her.
Esmeralda was shattered. She spent many nights sobbing as she held her pregnant belly and vowed to protect her daughter. She made this promise of protection because God had disappointed her. But she also felt that in some way she probably deserved the abuse. Maybe she wasn’t good enough. Maybe she always did the wrong thing. Maybe this was punishment for not getting married and living in sin with a man. Esmeralda decided to make another vow. She told God, “I promise I won’t be angry, but You have to keep my daughter alive.”
After her daughter was born, Esmeralda did everything in her power to keep that vow of protection. But the abuse continued. There was simply no way to protect her child from seeing the horrifying things happening to her mother. There was no way to protect her from being afraid of her own father.
One night while at the park with friends watching their children play, Esmeralda said something. The evening turned ugly and ended in pain and fear. It was the wrong thing to say. And, yet, in many ways, it was the right thing to say. It changed everything.
When the abuser’s father saw Esmeralda’s bruises, tears, and the look of fear on her - and her daughter’s - face, he knew it had to stop. He gave her a choice, “If you don’t call your parents to come and get you, then I will. Because he will kill you.” And so she did.
Esmeralda’s family immediately sprung into action. They picked her up, gathered her things, and took her now family of two home. Their actions extended the vow of protection for both Esmeralda and her daughter.
Now safe from the abuse, Esmeralda once again worked hard. This time the work was a life-long journey in healing.
Recovery is an inside first, outward second process. Initially, Esmeralda admits, “There were a lot of prayers, sleepless nights, and tears.” But she still needed to learn to trust God’s plan rather than her ability to control situations. “Once I was able to use that experience to help other women, I recognized that it was all part of God’s plan,” Esmeralda said. He was using her test to build her testimony.
Not surprisingly, today Esmeralda still works hard. She is a leader in everything she does, but especially within her church community. She tells people, “I am just a call or text away.”
I have no doubt Esmeralda feels seen by others. And, most certainly, she feels fully seen and understood by God.